I am not okay. I am not fine. I am not well.
And all of that is alright. It is alright because I am aware of my issues and actively working to repair them. It is truly the hardest thing I have ever had to do, and it does not get easier with time. It gets better, but not easier.
I am writing this because I believe that it is important. For me. Full stop.
If you can take some comfort from my words then all the better. However, if you cannot, it doesn't matter, because I need this. I need this because I need people to stop seeing the person they think I am, and try to see the person I have spent so long hiding. I need people to stop treating me like some unbreakable warrior and treat me like the human being that I have always been. I need people to stop taking out their frustrations, sadness, confusion and any other personal miseries on me because they believe that I can take it. I cannot. Perhaps I could once, but not anymore. And really, was it ever really fair to ask me to do so?
More importantly, I need this because I need it to be very clear that I am not hiding anymore. I am a strong and capable man. I am also a caring, sensitive person with a wide range of emotions. The things that people say and do cause me joy and pain. They can leave me feeling strong and supported or scared and alone. I will laugh when I can. I will cry when I need to. The angry quiet guy is not welcome here anymore. I will live my emotions as best I can and if that makes you uncomfortable then fuck what you think.
